We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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