Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Randomize
