Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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