woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
