i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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