I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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