You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
