Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
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