Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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