Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
