his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
