Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You left your phone here
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