there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
