"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
