Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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