Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
