Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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