I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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