What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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