You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
