Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
