I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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