forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
