K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
