Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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