it's not cheating when I paid for it
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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