I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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