I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
