I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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