a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
