my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I accidentally burped into my bong.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
