We won't sleep together?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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