i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
