god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
