She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So apparently I’m into choking now
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Two words: nipple clamps
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