Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
