The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
ttyl tear gas
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
