there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
