she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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