I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
