you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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