I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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