i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
