It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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