Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think I won the penis lottery.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize