I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
