Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
