you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
