No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
