i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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