she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I wannas sexs uuuuu
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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