too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
