So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
ttyl tear gas
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
