I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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