That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
