So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Randomize
