just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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