lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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