didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
