Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
