I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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