And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
