he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
