Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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