I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
