you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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