it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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