the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i wish my penis had a tongue
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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