just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
