i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
