so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
